


Saving Ferris Bueller

by wneleh



Category: The Martian (2015)
Genre: Multi, the least sexy threesome ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 19:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5061952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wneleh/pseuds/wneleh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dibs, as in, dibs,” Beth said.  “Honestly, Chris, does this have to be complicated?”</p><p>“I’m not going to share my bed with friggin’ Ferris Bueller!”</p><p>“Who?" Beth asked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saving Ferris Bueller

“Dibs on Mark!” Beth declared over breakfast six days out from Mars.

It wasn’t the sort of thing a guy expected to hear from his girlfriend, and Chris couldn’t be blamed that his cavalcade of Froot Loops went slightly awry.

“Seriously?” said Rick, at work beside him buttering toast. “Don’t waste the good stuff, man.”

Chris brushed the errant loops into his bowl and turned toward Beth. His Girlfriend. That Beth. “Define dibs,” he said.

Melissa was smiling into her tea, and Alex was now giving his English muffin much more attention than defrosted breakfast breads usually warranted.

“Dibs, as in, dibs,” she said. “Honestly, Chris, does this have to be complicated? Mark’s going to have to sleep with one of us, I call dibs.” She paused. “Unless Commander Lewis pulls rank.”

“No, by all means, go for it,” Melissa replied.

“Oh, Chris, you can join us of course,” said Beth. “I think Mark would like that.”

“I’m not going to share my bed with friggin’ Ferris Bueller!”

“Who?” Beth and Alex asked together; Beth, of course, was a comparative infant, and, apparently, Germany had been denied the master works of John Hughes.

Or Alex had just been very, very busy the past thirty years. Probably the latter.

Rick was now giggling. Out-and-out giggling. Though whether with or at anyone in particular Chris couldn’t tell. “Check out _Ferris Bueller’s Day Off_ , I’m sure one of us has the bits,” he said.

\- - - - - -

So, of course, six days later, Mark Watney was in Chris’s bed, it being bigger than the single bunk Beth still maintained, or the one in Mark’s quarters.

It turned out that, in practice, polyandry was even less erotic than it sounded – it was more like making a salad than anything else.

But, anyway, here he was, in his bed, staring at a newly-reawakened, still-vaguely-post-coital Mark Watney, while Beth-his-girlfriend-that-Beth slept smooshed between Mark and the wall.

Mark looked like he needed kissing, so Chris took care of that. Mark responded with a desperate sweetness that could be – no, face it, truly was – endearing, if you were into that sort of thing. Which Chris was thinking maybe he might be.

After a few seconds, Mark pulled back. “What’s going on here?” he asked. “Not that I mind!”

Chris half-shrugged, the true fullness of a proper shrug being impossible in a small bed with three people. “Beth’s idea,” he confessed. “She thinks you’re fragile.”

“Oh.” Mark looked to be considering this carefully, then asked, “Do you?”

“Oh, I don’t know that I’d use that term,” said Chris. “You’ve got deficiencies galore… The most serious is B12, but I’ve already started treating you for that…”

“One of those shots earlier?”

“Yeah, we can cheat on a few vitamins like B12 and A. Others you’re really better off absorbing from food or supplements. Calcium’s the biggest issue, especially with those ribs, and there’s really no shortcut there.”

Mark was now smirking, maybe, just a little. “Well, thanks, for the run-down, Doc, but that’s not what I meant. Not completely. Do you. Think I’m. So fragile that you need to… well, you know…”

“I don’t know,” said Chris, trying to choose his words carefully. “You’ve been through something no one else has ever experienced. We know that solitary confinement does a number on peoples heads… and what you’ve gone through, it had to have been hell…”

“No!” Mark’s reply was so sharp Chris suspected it startled them both. All three of them; the slight arch of Beth’s back showed she was awake now.

“It wasn’t hell,” said Mark, softer but as insistent. “It wasn’t, it was beautiful.” Mark paused, and Chris realized he was holding his breath until Mark continued, “It was going to kill me sooner or later, but it was beautiful.”

Not knowing what to say, Chris found Mark’s hand and squeezed it. “Earth is beautiful too,” he said. 

“Yeah,” said Mark, and Chris wasn’t sure he wasn’t lying.

\- - - - -

Mark waited until Chris’s breathing evened into the cadence of sleep, then sat up a little, his motion mirrored by Beth. 

“I had it wrong,” Chris said softly. “He’s not Ferris Bueller.”

“That’s your take-away?” asked Beth. “Because you’re completely wrong.”

“Oh, how so?”

“Melissa had a copy of the movie… do you remember what Cameron tells Sloane that Ferris is going to be when he grows up? Come on, it’s a great line!’

“I don’t know,” said Chris, “A stock broker?”

“A fry cook on Venus, man!”

* * * THE END * * *

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece to my [Five Traits of Humanity That Mark Watney Had Forgotten About (And One Which Was Better Than He Remembered)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4933927), but I think (hope!) it stands on its own.
> 
> After a rewatch, I don't think that Beth and Chris are together-together at the time of Mark's rescue, but this story had already taken root in my brain...


End file.
